Please Don’t Tell Me That I Really Look Like Russell Crowe.

So I finally got around to reading the September Harper’s Bazaar (yes, the one with that batshit Elizabeth Wurtzel piece about how ladies shouldn’t “give up,” which might be even worse than Winnower Pal Katie J. M. Baker said it was), which informed me that “the parlor game of the moment is Alike, a free iPhone app that calculates your star-worthy doppelganger.”

“Do you think you look like a celebrity? Prove it! Take a photo and find out which celebrity is your look-alike,” Alike’s App store blurb entreated me. So what the fuck — I may not have a parlor (nor am I a gyrotronics freak), but I can still live the Harper’s Bazaar lifestyle, right?

Well, maybe Wurtzel has a point, as apparently I have “given up” so fucking much that I look like kayaking phone-thrower Russell Crowe and Dominic Purcell, who I mainly know from that Blade movie with Parker Posey. I am not sure how to feel about this!