I’m a huge fan of E. Jean Carroll, brilliant advice columnist for Elle magazine and all-around cool lady. However, this tweet gave me pause! When I think back on my dating life, the only guy I still actively dislike is the one who did, indeed, pay for everything, so I am a little stumped. But I’m just one person.
So I took it to my panel of lady friends, aka “whoever is green in gchat,” to see if I could find someone who agreed with Carroll.
25-year-old San Franciscan (I’m telling you their ages and city in case this is some sort of generational or geographic thing?) Christine Borden says “no, I do not dislike men who do not pay for the date….That said, I appreciate a guy who will pay for the date, especially if he is the one who asked me out.
“I have dated men who get upset about women assuming that they will automatically pay, but those men (in my biased experience) also tend to have issues with women in general.”
37-year old San Franciscan Amanda also disagrees with Carrol, saying “I want men to assume that I’m capable of pulling my own weight. I’m flexible when it comes to drinks in a bar – but nothing else.”
Beth Spotswood, who is 34 and lives in SF, says “I would never expect a guy to pay for everything. It would creep me out. But I am certainly taking mental notes.”
“I find the payment moment so awkward, that sometimes I just pay and get it over with so we can go back to talking about anything else.”
Katie J. M. Baker‘s 24, lives in New York, and says she doesn’t dislike non-payers, secretly or not. “I think who ever asks someone out on a date should pay for the first date. If you’re in a relationship, I definitely don’t think the man should pay for everything.”
32-year-old San Franciscan Becca Klarin says “I like a man who offers to pay, but I don’t want to be a kept woman! There’s a point where chivalry crosses an invisible line and veers off toward hookerdom.”
“Maybe I’m in the minority, but if anything, I secretly dislike the men who think that, in paying for everything, they own their date. That doesn’t mean that I want to go dutch on everything with my husband, but I don’t ever want to feel like I “owe” him everything: mind, body, soul, etc.”
You guys, I seriously tried to find someone, anyone, who might agree with Carroll, but came up blank. Of course, that’s why blogs have comments, so readers can offer their opinions — so have at it!